Emery Atwood
Emery Grace Lansing (née Atwood; pronunciation: EHM-er-ee) is the main character and female protagonist of the Beauty of the Dark series. She is the best friend, love interest, and wife of Jesse Lansing. She is a former exotic dancer and waitress. She is a successful writer. Emery grew up in the All-American family: two loving parents and a younger brother whom she loved deeply. She was a smart and friendly child who had a hopeful and positive outlook on life and everyone she met. After witnessing a perfect love between her mother and father, Emery sought to have the same kind of love between herself and another person one day. When her parents were killed in a car accident, however, Emery's portrait of love was tarnished with the realization that love didn't last forever as it hadn't with her parents. Nonetheless, she still wanted to fall in love, even if it wasn't forever. Despite losing her parents, Emery remained strong and dedicated to school much to the surprise of her friends and teachers. Things began to look up for her after being accepted to her top choice university and with graduation on the horizon, she was at a good place in her life. The most life-changing event for Emery happened on the eve of her senior prom when she was raped by a stranger in the back of a van. This event would have the most significant effect on her emotionally and psychologically for years to come as everything she knew and hoped for shattered to pieces. Because she froze during the assault rather than attempting to fight off her attacker, Emery was racked with overwhelming feelings of self-blame and shame and thus saw the attack as her fault. The pain that resulted from such emotions is one of the reasons why Emery refused to deal with the emotional and psychological aftermath of her rape. Furthermore, Emery lost all hope for any kind of love as she now saw herself as unlovable let alone undeserving of love because of what believed herself to have done. This caused Emery to refuse any and all chances at love or happiness out of fear of being rejected once someone learned of her rape as she believed that they would blame her as she herself did. After learning that she was pregnant as a result of the rape, Emery realized that the town she lived in had caused her nothing but pain and that remaining there only reminded her of that pain. As a result, she discreetly left home just before dawn, taking her car along with a duffel containing money from her savings account. Early Life Emery Grace Atwood was born in Amherst, Virginia on April 20, 1993 to Marshall and Vanessa Atwood. She is the older sister of Drew. At the age of 2, her mother enrolled her in gymnastics. When she was six, a new family had moved in across the street from Emery's house. At school, Emery then met Jesse Lansing, and the two became quick friends. In the spring of eighth grade, Jesse began dating popular queen bee Charlotte Voight, something that saddened Emery greatly seeing as Charlotte was well known for breaking hearts and was fearful that she would hurt Jesse as well. In the beginning of her freshman year of high school, Emery, along with her best friends Lorena Cruz and Jasmine Beaumont, tried out for and made the cheerleading squad. That December, Emery's parents were killed in a car accident. Following this, Emery's maternal aunt Angie moved in with her and Drew while they finished school. This led to a closer relationship between Emery and Angie. In the spring, Emery was accepted into the college of her dreams, Hollins University, where she planned to study Creative Writing. Hollins was the alma mater of her mother. 2011 As the senior prom rolled around, Emery (who was single) decided to tag along with Lorena and Jasmine, who were attending the dance with their dates Adam and Kyle. However, when Jesse asked Emery to go with him as a friend following his breakup with Charlotte, Emery accepted. On the day of prom, Emery began to get nervous as she realized what going to prom with Jesse meant. Despite her hidden feelings for him, she knew that not only would everyone in school see them together, but most importantly, Charlotte would see them together. In the end, however, she decided to go. That evening, Jesse arrived to pick up Emery. The two then drove over to the high school. Soon after arriving, Emery found Lorena and Jasmine and everything fell into place as the entire group let loose. Later that night, Emery excused herself to go to the bathroom. As she caught herself in the mirror, she began to feel saddened by the fact that her mother and father were not there to see her off to prom. A moment or so later, the bathroom door opened and Charlotte entered. After an attempt at small talk, Charlotte then congratulated Emery on landing Jesse as her prom date, to which Emery remarked that Jesse is not a prize. Charlotte then countered this, even insisting that Emery wanted him more than anyone. Emery, shocked that Charlotte suspected she had feelings for Jesse, adamantly denied any attraction to Jesse. Charlotte then dropped her purse, and due to the tightness of her dress, asked Emery to get it. Reluctantly, Emery reached down to grab it. Charlotte then thanked Emery before telling her that she knew the truth, leaving after. Emery, left alone with her thoughts, composed herself as she went outside. Sometime shortly after this, Emery went to check her phone but found it missing from her purse. She then went to look in the bathroom but to no avail. Deciding that she must've left it in Jesse's car, she goes outside to get it. Jesse offers to go with her, but Emery insists she'll be fine as they parked close. As Emery reached Jesse's car, she began to search for her phone before quickly finding it. Immediately after she had retrieved it, someone ambushed her from behind. She was then dragged into the back of a van parked next to Jesse's car where her attacker then pinned her down and raped her. While she had every intention of resisting the assault, Emery froze in shock much to her frustration and devastation. Unable to escape, she then mentally dissociated from the scene, imagining she was instead inside at the dance with her friends. After ten minutes, her attacker left her alone as he fled the scene. Alone, Emery lay in shock for minutes before getting up and walking home. When she arrived, Emery was greeted by Angie, who was confused to see Emery home so early. Angie then asked Emery what happened, to which Emery began to hyperventilate before collapsing to the floor in anguish. Angie immediately rushed to comfort her, but Emery recoiled in fear before fleeing to her room. The next day, Emery remained holed up in her room as she sunk into a state of depression, refusing to talk to anyone. Early that same day, Jesse came over to the house with Emery's phone. He asked Angie if Emery was okay. Angie, who did not know the answer to this question thanked Jesse for stopping by. Angie then returned Emery's phone to her, telling Emery that Jesse stopped by and had dropped it off. When Monday came, Emery missed school as she was too distraught to attend school. Angie, who had figured out the reason why, did not push her. She ended up missing the next two days, and despite receiving various texts from Jesse as well as Lorena and Jasmine regarding her sudden absence from the world, Emery ignored them. After a few days, Angie began to wonder if Emery could be pregnant. She then approached Emery, telling her that she knew what happened. Emery, shocked at this, wondered how that was possible, to which Angie told her she had put it together. Angie then informed Emery that she could take as much time as she needs to deal, but that she should go to the doctor's and get a blood test done to see if there was any chance she could be pregnant. Emery, who had not thought of this outcome, began to panic as the possibility of being pregnant by the man who had raped her shook her to the core. The following week, Angie then took Emery to the doctors to get a blood test. A few days after, they went back to get the results, which were positive much to Emery'ss devastation. Because she knew she was emotionally, mentally and financially unfit to be a mother, Emery decided to give her baby up for adoption as she could not go through with abortion. Still suffering the emotional and mental effects of rape alone, Emery became further overwhelmed with pain to an extent that she'd never been before. Unable to cope with the amount of pain she was suffering, she briefly turned to cutting in attempt to relieve the pain. When she realized that this could harm her baby, however, Emery stopped immediately and became ashamed of what she had done despite having only cut herself twice. As her 18th birthday passed, Emery realized that the town she lived in only caused her pain and suffering and that remaining there only reminded her of said pain and suffering. She then came to the conclusion that she needed to leave town. Emery then went to the bank and withdrew all of the money from her savings account before fleeing town in her car one morning before dawn. Once she had gotten a considerable amount away from home, Emery stopped at a store to purchase a new phone. She then used her old one to call Angie and leave her a message telling her that she couldn't live at home anymore and was never coming back. After telling Angie and Drew that she loved them, Emery then tossed her old phone out the window and drove away to parts unknown. Ending up in the heart of Richmond, Virginia, Emery began to look for a place to live and eventually rented a two-bedroom house on the outskirts of town in the neighborhood of Montrose Heights. She then began to search for a job, and because she did not graduate high school as she'd left town prior to doing so, her options were limited in terms of a well-paying job that would cover both her rent and medical needs during her pregnancy. One day, she came across an add for a local gentlemen's club called The Rose Garden. Knowing how much money she could make from working there, Emery applied for a job as a dancer and was immediately accepted. Noel Parker, her boss as well as the owner of the club, often flirted with Emery much to her discomfort. However, she put up with it because of the money she made. With her first paycheck, Emery purchased an expensive cuff bracelet to hide the two cuts on her left wrist. Emery quickly found friends in her co-workers but was reluctant to reveal any personal details to them, the only exception being when she told them that her pregnancy was the result of a one-night-stand rather than rape. About a month after arriving in Richmond, Emery came home from work to discover Lorena and Jasmine sitting on the front porch much to her horror. They tell her that they tracked her phone number to her house. Emery then invited them inside where they demanded an explanation as to why she had left town. Emery then broke down and confided in them about her rape and pregnancy. Following this, Lorena and Jasmine then stayed with Emery through the summer until returning home to prepare for college. Despite the both of them attending college two and a half hours away, however, Lorena and Jasmine made an attempt to visit Emery every weekend much to her dismay at the hovering act. As she progressed through her pregnancy, Emery became more detached in attempt to suppress the pain of having to give her baby up for adoption. Sometime during her first few months in Richmond, sold her car for more cash. Emery also met Michelle Rourke, to whom she grew close friends with. During the last half of her pregnancy, Emery, after learning that Michelle was unable to have children, proposed that she and her husband adopt her baby. While hesitant at first due to the sudden and unexpected opportunity, Michelle and her husband eventually accepted. Late at night on December 30, 2011, Emery went into labor. Lorena and Jasmine, who were staying with her during their holiday break as her due date was near, drove her to the hospital. Once Emery was checked into a room, Lorena and Jasmine convinced her to call Angie and Drew, who drove to Richmond to support her. Surrounded by her family and friends, Emery gave birth to a boy at 6:15 a.m. Upon seeing her son for the first time, Emery burst into tears of both joy and sadness as she held him in her arms. For the next three days, Emery remained in the hospital per the state adoption laws regarding consent. On the third day, she signed the papers and went home. Giving her baby up for adoption pushed Emery over the edge; she shut down emotionally and sprung herself into her work in attempt to distract herself from the emotional pain despite Noel's insisting that she stay home and recover. She also began to show more of a rebellious streak. Emery had been emotionally worn down by all of the tragedy she'd faced to the point of wanting to avoid any more pain in her life. As a result, she rejected her resurfacing feelings regarding her rape as they were too painful for her to handle after everything. She soon realized that the only way to avoid pain is by not caring about anything anymore, in particular people as she believed that caring lead to pain. Noel began to ask her to work more shows when one of the dancers, Nadine, began a string of frequent absences as she began a new relationship. 2015 Emery is doing well financially and is still working at a strip club where she gathers a wealthy amount of tips each night as a result of her promiscuity and provocative behavior toward the customers. She spends a fair portion of her earnings on her physical appearance, namely her clothes, cosmetics and accessories. She also pampers herself once every week by going to the local spa for a mani/pedi. She goes to the local gym regularly in attempt to maintain her 'dancer physique'. She also goes clubbing with her coworkers every weekend. Every Saturday at three in the afternoon, Michelle calls or emails her with updates on her now three and a half-year-old son, many of which she seldom reads or listens to. This is Emery's only reminder of her rape other than her C-Section scar, so she tries to avoid it at all costs. Michelle offers repeatedly to bring her son over, but Emery declines. She gets frequent and often unexpected visits from Lorena and Jasmine, who are living in their own apartment in the city as they are attending college at Virginia Commonwealth University. Emery is often upset by these visits as she knows they are checking up on her to make sure she hasn't run away again. Emery attempts to convince them, as well as herself, that she is "fine" after everything. However, this is anything but true. She experiences anxiety attacks as well as nightmares as a result of her rape which she tells no one of. However, these episodes are only in response to significant triggers that are a result of her rape. When she gets anxiety attacks, she belittles them and attempts to dismiss them as "fits". After such incidents, she dismisses her feelings of fear and resumes what she was doing as if she weren't affected at all. Emery is reluctantly on Trazodone for insomnia. In The Novels |-|The Beauty of the Dark= |-|Where There Is Light= Personality |-|Before Rape= Prior to the assault, Emery was described as a sweet, innocent, friendly and smart young girl. She was somewhat shy and studious and clung onto a dream of becoming a writer. She was a horrible liar, biting her lip as a tell. While she had many friends, she only had a handful in whom she could confide in and trust. She didn't get into trouble and was academically successful, even earning a near-full scholarship to college. She had many admirers at school, many of whom were Jesse's friends. Despite this, she didn't desire a relationship with any of them knowing that they only wanted to have sex with her and thus were not interested in a real relationship like she was. She was aware of Jesse's attractiveness but didn't entertain the possibility of feelings for him out of fear of ruining their friendship. Even though she couldn't stand how she treated Jesse, Emery tolerated Charlotte for his sake. She always put the needs of others before herself. She was not comfortable with showing off her body, and she would wear t-shirts and pants to the beach and to bed. She was seen by many as a strong and resilient girl after she had lost her parents to a car accident. |-|After Rape= In the days after the rape, Emery fell into a state of shock and depression as she struggled to comprehend what had happened to her. She felt as if she had allowed the rape to happen as she froze in response to the assault. She refused to talk to anyone or eat regularly and had withdrawn from her family and friends. She stayed in bed all day and refused to leave her room. She experienced nightmares every night which would cause her to wake up screaming many times. She refused to be touched by anyone. She lost faith in happiness and her chance at love, believing she was now "damaged goods" as a result of her rape and assumed no one could nor would want her because of this. Immediately after learning of her pregnancy, Emery, emotionally overwhelmed, sought to release some of the pain by cutting herself. Once she realized this could harm her baby, she stopped. She then felt ashamed for what she had done to herself. During her first few months in Richmond, Emery kept to herself because she was in constant fear of being hurt again. She refused to reveal any personal information to her co-workers, which often prompted suspicion and questions. After giving away her son to her friend, Emery resumed work immediately in attempt to distract herself from the emotional pain of giving up her child for adoption. |-|Throughout The Series= She is controlled by her fear of getting hurt again, which is caused by all of the trauma and pain she’s experienced in her life. As a result, she goes to extreme lengths to avoid situations that could result in pain such as new relationships, romance, trusting others, and many other situations that make her feel unsafe or vulnerable. This includes refusing to think about or discuss her rape due to the overwhelming pain it causes her. She believes herself to be unlovable let alone undeserving of love due to the guilt she feels over her rape. As a result, she avoids romance in particular because aside from fearing pain, she is afraid that once they learn of her rape, they will blame her for it, and ultimately reject her. She uses defense mechanisms such as wit and apathy in attempt to push people away, not wanting to give them a chance to hurt her. Despite this, she wants to care and often does, but instead denies such feelings in fear of getting hurt. If she realizes she is beginning to care for something or someone, she unconsciously begins to distance herself from the thing or person in attempt to avoid potential pain, hurting the other person in the process. It is because of her beliefs about herself that she has difficulty accepting that anyone could love her. Deep down, however, she is very lonely but refuses to let anyone in. She refuses to disclose her rape to others because while it is too painful to do so, she also is afraid that others might find her at fault like she does and ultimately reject her. She fakes her confidence in attempt to cope with her self-esteem issues. She also dresses provocatively and spends a large portion of her earnings on her looks such as clothing, makeup, hair and accessories. She believes that making herself more attractive on the outside will make her like herself better on the inside (eluding to her self-esteem issues). She can't take a compliment well and often laughs it off with a self-attack, hinting to her insecurities. She has lost sight of who she truly is as a person due to her building a life of lies in attempt to escape the pain of her past as well as to convince everyone, including herself, that she is fine and has moved on from the traumas of her past. She has become an excellent liar, having convinced everyone, even herself, of several things such as being content with her life or liking her job. She refuses to feel sorry for herself because doing so reminds her of all the pain in her life. She hates when others pity her because it makes her feel inferior to them. She refuses to be seen as a victim, either to herself or others because being a victim triggers feelings of helplessness, which reminds her of the rape. She craves being in a group of people because being alone triggers feelings of anxiety due to her rape. The only place she allows herself to be alone is her house despite still having feelings of anxiety whilst home alone. She has a need for control due to her lack of control during her rape. She feels that nothing bad will happen if she can control it and uses her control to stay safe and avoid pain. She suppresses the anxiety and fear that resulted from being raped in attempt to cope. She has difficulty trusting strangers or people she hardly knows. While her decision to work at a strip club was made primarily due to the money and the lack of choices she has for jobs due to her not graduating high school, deep down Emery feels that she deserves nothing better (a feeling attributing to her guilt). Deep down she is ashamed of her job and hates it but justifies it with the financial reward. Despite her anxiety and her fear of being touched, she gives customers lap dances and allows them to touch her as she knows she will get more money that way. She also flirts with them and can be quite promiscuous toward them, which is only another effort to garner more money. Despite her behaviors, she draws the line at sex because due to her rape, she is afraid of being taken advantage of again in that way. Customers get angry at her over this as they view her as a tease due to her behavior at work. She claims she would have been a prostitute given they are paid "thousands by the night" but her fear of sex prevented this. Deep down, she feels responsible for her rape because she had forfeited all efforts of resistance after her rapist pulled a knife on her. She is ashamed over her actions of that night and as a result, has garnered a negative opinion of herself which she assumes everyone shares. This belief is an attempt to justify her lack of self-love. She is ashamed of her self-harmful attempts to cope, which involved self-medicating and cutting. She hides her self-harm scars on her wrist with a bracelet so she doesn’t have to be reminded of the shame. In attempt to escape the pain and shame of her life, Emery resorts to partying every weekend with her co-workers. For the moment, relief fills her, only to be replaced with the shame of her choices once the thrill wore off. Unable to cope with such feelings, she would then continue to party in attempt to escape the new shame in addition to the already-existing shame, thus repeating the cycle over and over. she continues partying even though she knows she'll feel bad again tomorrow because she will take any amount of escape. She chooses to live in the moment. Physical Appearance Relationships Appearances Name First *'Emery' is a feminine name of German origin that means "brave power". Middle *'Grace' is a feminine name of Latin origin that means "favor; blessing". Last *'Lansing' is a surname of English origin that means “family or followers of”. **'Atwood' is a surname of Anglo-Saxon origin that means “at the wood”. Trivia *In the early drafts, her name was Emily Foster. Other options for her name included Emma and Alyssa, the former of which has been used as an alias in Where There Is Light. **Her alias Emma Dove was one of the first options for her name. *Emery's belief that the rape was her fault because she didn't resist her attacker is a direct referrence to how society all too often blames rape victims for this very reason. *Despite her goal of living life to the fullest, Emery finds genuine happiness and joy with Jesse as he shows her how to truly enjoy life again without having to drink or party. *Her fears include being alone (physically), the fear of sex and the fear of confining space. These fears are a result of her rape. *Emery used to play piano but stopped after her mother died as she shared this with her and playing only reminded her of her death. *If she hadn't gotten pregnant, she would've dealt with her rape sooner, but due to the emotional trauma of an unexpected pregnancy let alone by rape, she was solely focused on her pregnancy. *As of the epilogue, the bracelet that she used to cover up her cuts is gone. This is symbolic of her no longer being ashamed of her past and having accepted it. *Her favorite color is purple, specifically lavender (#CCCCFF). *Her favorite stores are Bebe and Forever 21. *Her favorite alcoholic beverage is Apple Martini, though she has ordered a Mimosa and Vodka Cranberry before. *She owns a pair of heels from Louboutin, Jimmy Choo, Prada and Michael Kors. *She owns a navy blue trench coat from Burberry that she wears to and from work. *She carries her work uniform and necessities in a purple Louis Vuitton that was given to her by Lorena. Quotes Tropes *She is a reluctant Damsel In Distress. *She believes that she is Defiled Forever. *She suffered a A Fate Worse Than Death. *She has Rape As Backstory. *She was unknowingly part of a plan of Post Rape Taunt. *She is seen as a Sugar And Ice Girl. *She comes from a Dark And Troubled Past. *She is a Broken Bird. *She is in an Epiphanic Prison. *She is a Reluctant Fanservice Girl. *She is a Stripper With A Heart of Gold. *She is introduced with a "Break the Cutie" persona. *After her assault, she Stopped Caring about most things. *Her son is her Achille's Heel. *She believes that in order to move forward, Don't Look Back. *She is a victim of Revenge By Proxy. *She suffers a Bewildering Punishment. *She goes through the Five Stages Of Grief after losing her parents as well as after her assault. *Before her assault, she was known as the Girl Next Door. *She is Not With Him For The Money. *She is considered to be The Tragic Rose of the story. *She struggles with a Loss Of Identity. Gallery Category:Characters Category:Female Characters Category:Main Characters Category:The Beauty of the Dark Characters Category:Where There Is Light Characters Category:Atwood Family Category:Dove Family Category:Lansing Family Category:Parents Category:The Rose Garden Employees Category:Morley's Employees